Where Do You Get Your Self Esteem

Instead of looking for self-esteem in what you own, look for it in what you do.

My friend has several home improvement projects in mind and was worried about which one to choose and what it would cost. I asked her "Why are these choices important to you?" and she said, "I need them to boost my self esteem." Where do you get your self-esteem?

Self-esteem comes from within

It's not about the power suit or the great hair cut - those may be confidence builders, but self-esteem is about what you think about yourself. It's about how much you love yourself, how good a person you try to be. Self-esteem comes with how you conduct yourself. It comes from the choices you make and how you show up in your world. Your feelings of self-worth come from within. Your self-respect comes only from how you perceive yourself. Can you look in your mirror and say, "I love you."?

Don't be fooled by the outer trimmings

Have you ever met someone who presented a good image but wasn't a very nice person to know? All the trappings in the world won't make that person more likeable. Are all pretty people likeable? Are all unattractive people unlikeable? Of course not. It's what's within that counts. The size of your house or the quality of your clothes are just trimmings. The important "you" is in your smile, your kind eyes and your appreciative laughter. How is your inside showing up on the outside?

How can you increase your self-worth?

Money, or the lack of it, can be a great leveler. I know a community of retired senior women who live their lives with very little money. Their apartments are all the same size; their incomes are all about the same as in not very much, so they are valued for their friendships, their common interests and their contributions to their community. What they do or don't own is totally irrelevant to who they are. You can improve your feelings of self-worth by acknowledging the gifts of others, by helping those around you, by being kind and helpful, and by acknowledging the gifts of their being that every person brings to you.

How do you show up in your world?

If the Universe started giving out gold stars, it wouldn't be for the furniture in your house or the clothes on your back. It would be for what you do for others, how you respond to them, how you support them, how you laugh and love with them.

You are perfect just the way you are and who you are and what you do is much more important to others than the paint job on your house.