Self Esteem and Your Inner Critic

Positive Self Talk Key

We all have an inner critic. It is that negative voice inside your head that blocks you from being the best you can be.

Self esteem and our inner critic are related. People with low self esteem usually have a more powerful inner critic. Nurturing yourself and practising self care improves self esteem. Positive self talk is the key to happiness and success in all your creative endeavours.

Recently I had the privilege of visiting a KS1 classroom in a little country primary school. The class consisted of 15 children. The children were working in groups and engaged in learning activities designed to help them discover more about fairy tales. The afternoon I visited the school was particularly exciting as the children were dressed up as their favourite fairy tale characters. After an afternoon of fun, it was time to clean up. I was particularly struck with the ease and gentleness of this whole process. The class teacher gained the children's attention by putting her hands in the air. The children followed suit and listened as their teacher took out a puppet. The puppet asked the children to tidy up and then sit on the mat.

What a fantastic idea! The teacher was not telling the children what to do... the puppet was. And cleaning up was fun.

So often as adults, when we reflect back on our childhoods, our memories are not of fun interactions, but of being criticised by our parents, teachers or significant others. We may have memories of being bullied or competing with our peers. When we write or indeed do anything that takes us out of our comfort zone,we may hear a critical voice inside our head that replicates what we were told as children or teenagers. This is our inner critic judging us.This causes loss of confidence and erosion of self esteem. Such negative mental chatter puts obstacles in the way of us being and doing what we are truly capable of.

The inner critic evolved initially to help us achieve what was expected of us. There are two inner voices, a good and a bad voice. You can differentiate between the two by how you feel. You feel good when you listen to the good voice because this is positive self talk. The bad voice is negative self talk and this inner critic prevents you from growing and causes you to feel bad. Shame, guilt, depression and self doubt are caused by the inner critic. People with low self esteem are particularly vulnerable.

Tara Mohr(http://www.taramohr.com)is a writer, coach and personal growth teacher. In her article, "How Do I know If It Is My Inner Critic or Just Realistic Thinking?" she explains how to identify your inner critic. She advises listening to what it is saying and suggests thatif it isinterested in, "the way things are" or questions whether it "is possible, or not?" it is your inner critic sabotaging you. She continues by asking whether or not any "real action is inspired by it." She says that if, "the energy behind the mental chatter is one ofself- critique," and, "the intention isshutting down forward movement," then it is your inner critic.

When you hear your inner critic, acknowledge it and the emotions you feel. Suppressing them will only make them grow stronger. Consciously thinking about what is happening and stepping back allows you to take control. Free writing quickly for 15 minutes, walking or mentally engaging in another activity for a while before returning to writing, prevents your inner critic gaining too much power.

Instead, be patient and kind to yourself and engage in positive self talk.Psychiatrist, Marcia Sirota (http://www.huffingtonpost.com)in her article, "10 Good Habits to Cultivate in 2012," states, "The more you practice talking to yourself in a loving and supportive manner, the better you'll do and the happier you'll be. Positive self talk will bring out the best in you."

Like the teacher, who cares for her pupils, engage in self care. When you nurture yourself and are patient and kind, your inner critic does not have the strength or the power to demotivate or harm you. Instead, by understanding that it is your inner critic that is undermining you by not telling the truth, you can move forward positively and be successful and happy. You will no longer feel blocked and your writing and creativity will blossom.